Who Am I, Really?

By Ryan Sosman, MA, LPC

You may have found yourself asking the question, “What is my purpose on Earth?” Although this is a very common question that everyone has asked themselves at some point in their life, it’s one that cannot be answered before we first learn who we are.  So, why do we need to know who we are? Hosea 4:6 says it best by stating, “My people perish from a lack of understanding”. In other words, we must gain insight into how God has made each of us and use that knowledge to find who we are in Christ Jesus, before we can feel confident to navigate this life and be successful. Then, you may ask “How do I do this?”

First, you need to acknowledge that you are an emotional being who has feelings that are real and inescapable. Feelings are as real as the air you breathe and, just as you need oxygen to sustain life, you need to be in touch with your emotions and know how to manage them in order to be successful.  Every event in your life brings on an immediate response inside of you, whether it is anger, fear, depression, excitement, concern, joy or sadness.  Feelings happen in the moment; they are not planned and cannot be dictated. They merely happen as a result of an event in your life. Feelings are real and valid. You can’t avoid having feelings and you can’t hide from them, so the key to being successful then is to acknowledge their existence. Be careful not to immediately judge yourself for having the feeling; instead, let it be a starting point to discovering what this feeling says about you.

In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), individuals are seen as comprising three minds: the emotional mind, the rational mind and the wise mind.  The emotional mind is when we respond to life only according to our emotions or how we feel in the moment. The rational mind is when we view life using only logic or what makes sense, while ignoring and avoiding all feelings. The wise mind is a blend of the emotional and the rational mind and is seen as the optimal state. Therapists use this approach to help individuals identify how to properly utilize their emotions and logic; incorporating both develops the skills to be successful. God has given everyone the capacity and ability to utilize a “wise mind”. You can have full confidence of this, because in 1 Corinthians 10:13, you are promised that “no temptation [which includes thoughts and feelings] has overtaken you, except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

Second, you need to acknowledge that you are uniquely designed in the image of God. David summed it up in Psalms 139:13,14 when he said “For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made”. You are comprised of qualities, interests, and talents that are as important to who you are, as the emotions you feel. These characteristics are inherently given and mature as you grow older; however, this is only possible if you are in agreement with these characteristics and embrace them.  Understanding them will help you thrive in the relationships in your life whether they are personal, social, or in your place of employment.  When you embrace and operate within your unique identity, you can have confidence, because you are not overextending yourself, and your interactions will be more natural. This is because God has made you with these characteristics for a reason and with specific purposes in mind.

Distress can occur when you try to operate beyond your unique characteristics and try to become someone you are not. This is when you find yourself in relationships where you are taking on a role that you can’t seem to sustain, or you find yourself interacting with people in a way that is strained and uncomfortable. You may find yourself asking “Why am I here?” or “What am I doing in this relationship?” Maybe you are in a job and feeling dissatisfied and bored. This is because you have distinct talents for certain jobs and characteristics that are more conducive to specific types of relationships. You can be confident in these characteristics and confident in who you are, because God is sovereign and will not give you any characteristic that will contradict the word of God.

Embrace your uniqueness today. You are not a mistake.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made, being formed, with God’s help, into the very person that He designed and intended you to be.

About the Author

Ryan Sosman, LPC at Agape Christian Counseling, has a heart and passion to work with couples, families, children and all individuals seeking to enhance their lives.  Ryan’s core belief includes helping individuals discover their self-identity and purpose given to them from God and to help them learn how to utilize that knowledge in their everyday lives.  Click on the picture to the left to read his full bio.