Addressing Sexual Intimacy in Therapy

Claire (not her real name), was a young vibrant woman in her mid thirties :

Kathy, I just don’t know why I’m here. I feel anxious all the time. I’m not sleeping well.  I’m exhausted. All my energy goes toward work and the baby. There is nothing left for my husband. When we are intimate, I have never been satisfied.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she wrestled with her work blouse to unsnap her nursing bra. She positioned her crying baby to her breast, settled into my couch, and sighed. As Claire nestled in with her baby, she revealed her demanding job schedule, the anxiety of being pulled between home and family,  the guilt of returning to work, anger and resentment toward  her husband, and fears of being separated from her baby. As she spoke, there was an undercurrent of shame and self-hate.

What’s wrong with me? I should be able to do this…other women do. Why am I not satisfied sexually? I should be able to meet all my husband’s sexual needs. I’m selfish to feel this way. I’m a terrible mother.

Claire spoke of loving her husband, yet having resentment towards him.  She expressed guilt for not meeting his sexual needs and frustration for her own unmet needs.  The following weeks addressed practical ways she could adjust her life to decrease her body’s response to stress, increase her sleep, and challenge her faulty thinking.  With her husband, we addressed the underlying causes of her anxiety, negative patterns of communication, lack of emotional and sexual intimacy as well as sexual dysfunction. We addressed the physiological aspects of Claire’s stress and sexual functioning, so that she was able to begin the process of relational and sexual healing. Sex therapy helped Clair to create a shift in core beliefs about her identity and intimacy, resulting in a more satisfying marriage and sex life.

My name is Kathryn Manley and I am a licensed professional counselor and a certified sex therapist. This case study is an example of why a person might seek sex therapy.  Visiting with a sex therapist can help to get the root of sexual issues, normalize thoughts and feelings, as well as provide support for the sexual hurdles that couples may face at different seasons of their lives.

So What is Sex Therapy Anyway?

Sex therapy is a specialized form of therapy that addresses sexual concerns, functioning, relationship and expression in men and women.  A certified sex therapist has had considerable training in the physiological process of human sexuality as well as extensive training in psychotropic medications and their effect on sexual functioning.

As a rule, we work collaboratively with health care providers, such as dieticians, pelvic pain specialists, and physicians, providing a comprehensive, multidisciplinary approach to sexual, emotional, and spiritual healing.

Learning about the brain and the body’s responses to relationships, aging, medication, trauma, or unresolved emotional issues, and its affect on the sexual response cycle is a step toward freedom and healing.

Common Reasons To Visit With a Sex Therapist:

• Medication Side Effects
• Medical Conditions (Examples: coronary artery disease, cancer treatments, arthritis/chronic pain, prostate problems, autoimmune disorders, back pain, pelvic floor dysfunction, diabetes, multiple sclerosis, pregnancy, nursing, etc.)

• All Kinds of Sexual Dysfunction
• Addictions
• Life Transitions (Examples: grief, pregnancy/nursing, empty nest, job change, retirement, etc.)
• Hormonal Imbalances (including menopause and low testosterone)
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Traumas/Deep Seated Wounds
• Resentment Toward Spouse
• Boredom
• Exhaustion
• Decreased Sexual Desire

Agape Christian Counseling

I’m so excited to have joined the wonderful people at Agape Christian Counseling Services. I have found Agape to be warm, welcoming, and a genuine example of the testimony of Jesus Christ. If you are struggling in an aspect of your life and want a safe person to talk to, the therapists at Agape can provide you with professional counsel. I hope you will anticipate our monthly newsletter and with it, my column entitled “Sex, Marriage, Family: And All Things Relational.”

Have a Blessed Month,

Kathryn Manley, MS, LPC, CST
Individual, Family, and Marriage Counseling
Certified Sex Therapist (AASECT)