When I ask couples what brings them to therapy, a common answer is “communication.” Often couples’ struggles have to do with handling any sort of disagreement, feeling uncomfortable during conflict, and not being able to tolerate that their partner  has a difference of opinion. The subtext of “we don’t communicate” can be “my partner isn’t agreeing with me and when this happens I feel criticized and rejected.” These couples have less intimacy in their relationship because there is less individuality between them. If a couple is operating out of a need for approval, fear of failure, need for validation, or fear of rejection, it is difficult to have discussions  or…