Raising Teenagers with Good Values
By John A. Leber Jr. MA, PLPC
Having worked in education for over six years as a counselor, teacher, and coach, I’ve found one troubling question that keeps presenting itself: Who is raising our teenagers and from where do they get their values and sense of worth? The obvious answer would be that their parents are raising them and are instilling the appropriate values and beliefs. Unfortunately, we need to question this belief and realize that our teenagers are absorbing information and often taking action based on what they see and hear from mass media.
The halls of our local high schools are filled with thousands of students, nearly all with smart phones and headphones plugged into their ears. They are listening to music, watching videos, and taking selfies. Our students are truly connected with media at all times. Even in the classrooms, students are listening to music and watching videos and playing games. The iPad, iPod, notebooks, and laptops are the students’ lifelines. It is this technology that makes mass media so readily available to kids. We need to be concerned with the content of the music and videos our teenagers are listening to and watching, because often, their way of thinking and living reflects the media they have chosen.
Many students show a lack of respect for teachers, administrators, and themselves. Their values seem skewed by the alternate reality they continually absorb through their media connections. A confused understanding of values shades the differences between right and wrong. These are not bad kids. These are kids with a blurred sense of morals. Many may lack a foundation of nurturing and faith that all of us need as we grow to help us make correct decisions.
Do not, for a moment believe, that the youth of today do not have the potential for greatness, because they do. Parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, it is your charge to instill into our youth the core beliefs that are necessary to guide them in proper development. It is necessary to occasionally disconnect our teenagers from media so that they can absorb your wisdom and ideals. It is the parents of the world who need to teach values and faith to the youth of the world. Although it is desirable to begin this process early in life, we cannot give up on those who have begun their journey of development without appropriate role models. These adolescents are not a lost cause; they just need guidance.
The youth of today also need to learn the social skills that will allow them to converse with others, particularly others outside their peer group. They need to learn to have independent thoughts and think ethically. They need their parents and family to be present and help them learn the skills necessary for healthy communication.
How is this accomplished? By teaching our teenagers about values, faith, and love. One needs to purposefully spend time with the youth. Being genuine, listening, and being available to talk and listen can go a long way in beginning the process of learning. Finding time as a family to be together, perhaps at dinner, is certainly valuable. It is not practical to think the headphones will come off all of the time, but a beginning is necessary. Parents may find that their teenager will begin to long for the time they have with their parents. Both parties will learn about each other and about themselves.
As a parent, one may think one is ill equipped or unprepared to take this journey. Finding someone to walk the journey with you can certainly be beneficial. Make sure to use the resources that are available to you. A counselor, pastor, or a friend can be a great intermediary for parents and teenager. In addition, make sure to spend time with each other, time disconnected from the technical world, so that you can begin to communicate on a more intimate and personal level. The best way to nurture our teenagers is to lead by example and give them the love that they deserve.
About the Author
John Leber, MA, PLPC has over twenty years experience working with adolescents as a school counselor and as a coach. Click on his picture to the left for his full profile.
