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Perfectionism: Not So Perfect
The Problem with Perfectionism Bob Vass, PLPC, NCC A person’s blind pursuit of perfection causes constant frustration and pain. If you are a perfectionist, by trying to achieve the impossible in every area of your life, you set yourself up to fail again and again. By demanding perfection in trivial endeavors as well as in matters of consequence, you can create a self-defeating tyrant. Do not misunderstand the point. For the professional or for the homemaker, whether you are a doctor, a teacher, a minister, or a housewife— you should still expect much from yourself. The difference, however, is that you should learn to establish priorities and to seek progress,…
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Problem Solving With Your Child
By Carolyn Knarr, MSW, LCSW, Director of Children’s Therapeutic Services The number one complaint I hear from most children is that their parents yell too much. Being a parent myself, I know why parents yell: their children don’t listen, they don’t handle their responsibilities, they don’t respond unless you raise your voice, and they can be quite irritating! Talk to your child about the fact that they don’t respond unless you yell (and even then, just sometimes). Tell them you don’t want to yell. Ask them what they suggest so that you don’t have to yell. Below is an example of a conversation you might have: Parent: “Kelly, I notice…
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Mommy Holiday Stress
Kathy, I feel guilty and confused. We have always alternated holidays, but it’s getting to the point that I’m starting to dread the packing of the presents, side dishes, and the kids’ toys and diapers. I hate the mall. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to start our own family traditions, but I just know my mother-in-law would be furious to not have Christmas at her house. We have school programs, church events, and Secret Santa at work. My husband and I try very hard to teach our kids the true meaning of Christmas. It’s important for me to have the house look nice because I want the…
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Helping Children When They Are Upset
By Carolyn Knarr, MSW, LCSW, Director of Child Therapeutic Services One of the most important parenting skills is helping children learn to calm down when they are upset. A child can go from calm to out of control in five seconds or less! The more escalated the child’s emotions and behavior are, the more calm the adult needs to be. Responding with a lecture or with more intensity will quickly create a power struggle. When a child is “having a meltdown,” he* isn’t thinking with his frontal cortex, which is the rational, problem-solving part of his brain. He is responding with his amygdala, which is the emotional, fight or flight…
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