Mommy Holiday Stress
Kathy, I feel guilty and confused. We have always alternated holidays, but it’s getting to the point that I’m starting to dread the packing of the presents, side dishes, and the kids’ toys and diapers. I hate the mall. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to start our own family traditions, but I just know my mother-in-law would be furious to not have Christmas at her house. We have school programs, church events, and Secret Santa at work. My husband and I try very hard to teach our kids the true meaning of Christmas. It’s important for me to have the house look nice because I want the children to have fond memories. I know I should be enjoying the holidays, but I find that it brings more dread than joy.
It is true that the holiday season is filled with joy, mystery, and excitement. While for many, the holidays can bring stress, anxiety, uneasiness, and strain, this can be especially true for mothers with young families. This article is especially written for all the mommies and for those who know a mommy, so that you can have compassion for yourself and for each other. Sometimes the holidays can be more challenging for moms. Trimming the tree and table, gathering and being torn between families, wrapping presents, coordinating outfits, arranging the calendar, feeding baby on the go, increased family and financial stress, unrealistic and unmet expectations, can all be a recipe for disaster.
Any time we are taken out of our usual routine or comfort zone, it can raise anxiety. As mentioned in previous articles, change… even if welcome… is still change and that can be tough.
Here are some tips for reducing Mommy Holiday Stress
Take care of yourself. You’ve all heard the phrase, “If Mommy isn’t happy, no one is happy…” This is so true. Now is not the time for sleep deprivation, poor eating habits, approval seeking or performance driven behavior. You are worth taking care of yourself – not only for your own sake but for the sake of your family. Rest and connecting with others is so very important. Jesus is our ultimate model of self care. When He was tired, He slept. When He needed help or emotional support from His friends, He asked for it. When He was sad, He cried. Please find the time to make yourself a priority so that you can be a blessing to your family and friends.
Let go of perfectionism. Your family isn’t going to remember the perfectly trimmed tree or whether or not there is dust on the baseboards. Do you remember the story of Mary and Martha? (Luke 10:38-42) It’s easy to be filled with the “distractions of doing” like Martha. She was “worried and upset about many things…” We are human beings, not human doings. Letting go of perfectionism gives us permission to just be in the presence of one another and the Lord.
Say no. Having good boundaries can be just the right antidote for reducing holiday stress. Saying “let me think about that and get back to you,” is a great way to respond to the many invitations and requests for commitments that may come your way. The gospels are filled with examples of Jesus setting boundaries. Prayerfully ask God for wisdom, and if He leads you, feel free to say no to requests or demands without feeling guilty. Ask Him to help you use your voice when making decisions and dealing with difficult family situations. An excellent resource to learn more about holiday boundaries is Boundaries for the Holidays: 3 Ways to Enjoy the Holidays and Keep Your Family From Driving You Crazy by Townsend and Cloude.
Find humor and laughter in stressful situations. Humor can lighten even the most uncomfortable moments. Humor is healing! It boosts the immune system, lowers cortisol and epinephrine levels, spreads joy, aids in healthy communication and combats fear. The Bible contains many verses about humor and laughter bringing healing to the wounded heart . “A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 (Amplified Bible). Let the joy of the Lord be your strength this holiday season.
If you or a mother you love are struggling with self care, perfectionism, approval seeking, people pleasing, boundaries, or family conflict, please know that it is normal. Moms, the holidays can be a stressful time because it takes you out of your routine and brings many challenges. If you find that these stressors are causing marked conflict with yourself or others this holiday season, please seek help. At Agape Christian Counseling Services, there are skilled, empathic therapists to aid you in truly celebrating this holiday season.
Many Blessings,
Kathryn Manley, MS, LPC, CST
Individual, Family, and Marriage Counseling
Certified Sex Therapist (AASECT)
