Grown-up Holiday Selfishness: Moving from Arrogance to Altruism

Selfishness can be easily spotted in children, especially during the holiday season. Although the holidays are a particularly challenging time for children to keep selfishness in check, it can be just as challenging for grown-ups! It’s part of being human. We have talked quite a lot about having a strong sense of self, being able to regulate our emotions, and being able to tolerate emotional pain for growth. Although this is what we want for our children, it’s easy to dismiss, justify, or rationalize our own selfish behavior.  As we enter this year’s holiday season, I would like to challenge all of us grown-ups to look at ourselves and consider our own selfish thoughts, feelings, and actions. Not an easy task. Because of our sin nature, selfishness is a universal part of being human. Generally speaking, the higher the insecurity of an individual, the more selfish he/she behaves.

Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines selfishness as “the exclusive action of a person to his own interest or happiness: or that supreme self-love or self-preference which leads a person in his action to direct his purposes to the advancement of his own interest, power or happiness without regarding the interest of others. Selfishness, in its worst or unqualified sense is the very essence  of human depravity and it stands in direct opposition to benevolence which is the essence of the divine character. As God is love, so man, in his natural state, is selfishness.”

A selfish heart is an unhappy heart. A selfish heart brings chaos and confusion to relationships and the environment.

To challenge your selfishness, ask yourself the following questions:

• How often do I want my own way?
• How might I be inconsiderate to others?
• How do I feel sorry for myself, feel ungrateful, resentful, or jealous?
• How might I think I am more important or deserving than those around me?

I would encourage all of us to make this holiday season filled with unselfish regard for those around us. Let’s be good role models to our children . Let’s move from a spirit of arrogance toward a spirit of altruism.

May selflessness bring peace and joy to your heart and your home this holiday season!

Happy Holidays,

Kathryn Manley, MS, LPC, CST
Individual, Family, and Marriage Counseling
Certified Sex Therapist (AASECT)