Getting A True Reflection: Challenging Unhealthy Thoughts

Have you ever gone to the carnival and seen a fun-house mirror? Instead of revealing an accurate, true mirror image through the use of a  standard mirror, a fun-house mirror bends certain sections just enough to distort the image. Do you remember standing in front of the mirror, perhaps laughing with your friends, moving forward, then back, and enjoying the distortion? That’s because you knew the distortion was not reality. If you thought the distortion WAS reality, it might have produced feelings of fear, anxiety and lack of safety. Perhaps if someone showed you the truth regarding the fun-house mirror, your feelings of fear and anxiety might have subsided, in which case you could continue enjoying your day.

Distorted thoughts can be much like distorted mirrors. Last month, we discussed some types of distorted thoughts and patterns that can be damaging in relationships. (I would encourage you to take a moment and read it before continuing  since what follows builds on the ideas presented in last month’s article…. Ten Unhelpful Marital and Relationship Thought Patterns)

Now we will talk about revealing the truth regarding distorted thought patterns in relationships so that we are better able to untwist our thinking, reduce feelings of fear and anxiety, and enjoy the abundant life God has designed for us.

The Bible says that we will know the Truth and the Truth will set us free! John 8:32. Friends, I encourage you to please remember and know that Satan is a liar, a deceiver, a manipulator and he takes pleasure in twisting what God has created just enough so that it is distorted. Just like the fun-house mirrors, this distorts the way we see ourselves and the way we see the world.  However, God wants us to keep our thoughts on whatever is right, deserves praise, whatever is true, honorable, fair, pure, acceptable, and commendable. Philippians 4:8. According to Dr. David Stoop of New Life Ministries and author of “You Are What You Think,” there is research that suggests that we talk privately to ourselves in our thoughts at the rate of approximately 1300 words per minute. Research also suggests that, on average, about 60% of that talk is negative. That’s significant because it’s our thoughts that help form our emotions, our core beliefs, and our behavior. Words have power and release faith! So let’s start thinking and speaking life.

Here’s What You Can Do:

1. Become Familiar with Unhealthy Thought Patterns: There are many types of negative, recurring patterns of thoughts and feelings that many of us experience, some of which were covered in last month’s article. These distorted thoughts often become fixed because of long-lasting negative patterns that developed during childhood or adolescence and unfold throughout our life. As a result, we often view the world through these distorted thoughts. Sometimes they become important beliefs and feelings about ourselves and our environment which we accept without question. They can become deeply rooted in our unconscious mind, which controls automatic and immediate thoughts, feelings and impulses.
2. Be Self-Aware: Once you are familiar with the types of possible recurring patterns of thoughts and feelings, you can start to reflect on what you are thinking. This is a process of moving from unconscious to conscious thinking. Paying attention to our thoughts is a crucial step to becoming a more mature, self-aware person. As you recognize your thoughts, it’s important to have compassion on yourself and not judge. Remember, all those thoughts and feelings have been there for a reason! Would you talk to yourself in a way you wouldn’t talk to others? The more we think about our thoughts in this light, however, the better we can interrupt unhealthy distorted thoughts. This moves us to the last step.
3. Challenge Your Thinking: Most of the time, we can be stuck in a negative pattern of thinking and feeling because it has been given a lot of importance in our lives. Subsequently, it becomes ingrained in our system of thinking. To move from being on “auto-pilot” to intentional thinking, have a heightened awareness of thought patterns that don’t serve you well and then check it out to see if it’s in line with God’s Word. Ask God how He would look at that thought, and have Him show you how you could look at the situation differently.

It’s helpful to surround yourself with notes (hand-written or otherwise) of God’s truth. Meditate on that which is positive! “Never stop reciting these teachings. You must think about them night and day so that you will faithfully do everything written in them. Only then will you prosper and succeed.” Joshua 1:8. When we direct our mind intentionally to the truth of God’s word, we give less weight to distorted ways of thinking.  Instead, Godly thoughts become our new, strong, automatic thoughts, and we are transformed by the renewing of our mind.

Helpful checklists of unhealthy thoughts and ways to untwist your thinking:

http://www.apsu.edu/sites/apsu.edu/files/counseling/COGNITIVE_0.pdf

Some Helpful Quotes:

Some Helpful Music Therapy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5V8_k70KnI

Blessings,

Kathryn Manley, MS, LPC, CST
Individual, Family, and Marriage Counseling
Certified Sex Therapist (AASECT)