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Be Yourself: Don’t Become Emotionally Fused
When I ask couples what brings them to therapy, a common answer is “communication.” Often couples’ struggles have to do with handling any sort of disagreement, feeling uncomfortable during conflict, and not being able to tolerate that their partner has a difference of opinion. The subtext of “we don’t communicate” can be “my partner isn’t agreeing with me and when this happens I feel criticized and rejected.” These couples have less intimacy in their relationship because there is less individuality between them. If a couple is operating out of a need for approval, fear of failure, need for validation, or fear of rejection, it is difficult to have discussions or…
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Getting A True Reflection: Challenging Unhealthy Thoughts
Have you ever gone to the carnival and seen a fun-house mirror? Instead of revealing an accurate, true mirror image through the use of a standard mirror, a fun-house mirror bends certain sections just enough to distort the image. Do you remember standing in front of the mirror, perhaps laughing with your friends, moving forward, then back, and enjoying the distortion? That’s because you knew the distortion was not reality. If you thought the distortion WAS reality, it might have produced feelings of fear, anxiety and lack of safety. Perhaps if someone showed you the truth regarding the fun-house mirror, your feelings of fear and anxiety might have subsided, in…
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Ten Unhelpful Marital and Relationship Thought Patterns
It’s natural to interpret what is happening around us. As humans, we are continually interpreting our past, our present and our future as well as our relationships with others, our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with God. Many times the interpretation of circumstances in our lives is accurate, but sometimes it can be distorted due to fears of rejection, abandonment, failure, need for control, approval or perfectionism. The way we feel, therefore, can interfere with how we think. Below is a list of some ways couples might struggle with distorted thoughts and communication patterns in their relationship. Ten Unhelpful Marital and Relationship Thought Patterns: Filtering. We magnify the negative…
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New Beginnings: Rebuilding and Repairing Relationships
Couples frequently come to my office with relational injuries, wondering if their marriage can be repaired. Individuals and couples may feel there has been such damage and destruction in the relationship that any hope of making amends, repairing the damage, is hopeless. Restoration and redemption in relationships is available through Christ. As we enter this new year, I am led to encourage Agape readers that in Christ, all things are possible. If you are having trouble communicating with your partner, especially during the process of healing, you may find that learning new patterns of communication can be difficult. According to psychologist and researcher John Gottman, repairing relationships during and after…
Marriage Family & Individual Counseling | St Louis MO
