Attachment Issues and Infant Adoption

By Kathy Petefish, LMSW, LCPC, BCBA, LBA How often have I heard those frustrating and sad words in the last 15 years that I have worked with children? At least a hundred, since working with children with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) has been in my wheelhouse for over a decade. These words are frustrating because they are very often not true. Just because a child is adopted as an infant does not mean they will not have difficulty with attachment issues. Foster and adoptive parents are set up for failure, confusion, and heartbreak when professionals, who do not have accurate information, tell them differently. These words are sad—very sad—because if…

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Unconditional Love and Boundaries

A reflection on Cloud & Townsend’s “Boundaries with Kids” In Christian terms, unconditional love is love that doesn’t depend on the attitudes or actions of the beloved. It is a self-sacrificing love, which finds its ultimate expression in Christ’s sacrifice on the cross: “But God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8, RSV). Yet we know that God did not love us just to leave us wallowing in our sin; on the contrary, we are told, “Do you not know that God’s love is meant to lead you to repentance?” (Romans 2:4, RSV). We all desire love from our parents, children,…

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New Year’s Resolutions for Parents

by Carolyn Knarr, MSW, LCSW, Director of Children’s Therapeutic Services Every year around this time many of us make new year’s resolutions but very few of us keep them. Here are some resolutions for parents that are worth keeping: 1. Increase the amount of time you spend in casual conversation with your child. A recent study showed that 85% of what parents say to their children is either telling them what to do or what not to do. Very quickly, children turn off their listening ears. Try making positive comments about what they are wearing, or their hair, or something they have done well recently. For example: “I don’t know…

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Teaching Your Kids Selflessness at Christmastime

by Carolyn Knarr, MSW, LCSW, Director of Children’s Therapeutic Services That first Christmas night God knelt down and placed his newborn son in a small barn with no heat, no electric lights, and no red carpet welcome, just mice, straw, the chill of the night and the stench of animals. That is how much He loved us. That is the message of Christmas. Fast forward over two thousand years. We stand as Ghosts of Christmas Future in the living room of an American home. Halloween is barely over. The glossy ads from Best Buy are strewn over the coffee table with a Dell computer, iPhone, and the newest Apple iPad…

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